i quit my job.

Dear Diary,

I'm exhausted.

What are we doing tonight Brain?

Truth be told, I've been backlogged with schoolwork lately, especially club stuff. Honestly can't wait until I'm replaced by next year's President. Sometimes I get a little free time that I can put towards developing this project, but mostly I'm just trying to keep my head above water. Because of that, I think there's only one way I can get this project done well.

The power of love.

After two-and-a-half years of the tight schedules and deadlines and nuisances of the TV program, I have feel nothing but contempt whenever I even think about being behind a camera. I don't feel joy, I don't feel interest, I only feel stressed. Now, I can find someone else to be my cinematographer, but at the end of the day I have the final say over everything; the quality of its execution is wholly dependent on my patience and performance.

And it's because of this that I feel I need to find some kind of spark. In my experience, ideas usually capture my entire interest for about a day or two before fizzling out entirely. I can't risk burning out on this project, seeing as it's really my only grade for this semester and I need to maintain my grades to keep my college acceptance.

So my only solution is to try and love every step of the way through this process. The ideas I get that I can't translate into words, the stress I feel when I'm unable to bring my imagination into life, and the countless mistakes I will undoubtedly make along the way. I've just got to make myself try and enjoy it or I'll just fail and likely quit visual media for years.

I've Got One Week of Planning and a Hatful of Dreams

That's a mental hurdle I've gotta leap past, though. This is the actual stuff I need to physically do.

I've made a little schedule for the upcoming weeks. The biggest area is Pre-Production; it's also the one I have the least amount of time left in. I think it's feasible, so long as I take advantage of my time in class and start dividing up my English homework to make it more manageable.

The only areas where I can see myself really struggling in the Pre-Production Section are Costume Design and Scheduling.

I can start scheduling on the 24th; I have STN practice pero I think I can multitask in that regard. But if that's the case, then I need to go shopping on the 25th for costume design. I would say I only need two characters' costumes, but I do not know who will be playing the older sibling yet, so I can't purchase anything in their size, ergo I only need the costume for Opal, who will be played by me.

Part of me feels like it's corny to star in your own production, but this is a student film and I like acting anyways, so big whoop.

Beyond that, I have also started location scouting. As mentioned in some previous posts, I had an idea of this being largely filmed at a train station. In my mind's eye, this would be done at an indoor train station, something that doesn't really exist in this part of the state.

At first I was still open to the idea of an outdoor station, but the more I scope out these stations in Google Earth the more I realize they're just kinda ugly. Like there's major roads right by the first location and looked at, and the second one in this picture has a highway right behind where the camera is facing. Not to mention the beige, brick building right beside it.

The more I look at American architecture the more disillusioned I become with this country. Anyways.

One other thing I've been thinking of is fonts for the title INCANDESCENCE. I was originally gonna end it with the -T version but I like the sound of this more. 

Ignoring the title name in this old screenshot, the original font I used was going to be a placeholder, but I still had found it in line with the aesthetic I was going for; the font was just a bit "silly" but also looked uniform. I don't really [F-WORD] with Serif-type fonts--especially not in this case. I want something either Sans Serif Geometric or Monospace. In terms of Weight I'd prefer heavy or bold. And just to be clear, I did not understand these terms two hours ago; this article was pretty useful.

I want the title to be HUGE. It should seem larger-than-life. I might animate it so that the middle letters slowly shrink as the edges grow, just so that it seems like it's "swallowing" the screen.

To Wrap it All Up Like a Chicken Wrap

This is going to be one of the last "yapping" posts I have until March. Until now I've just been spewing out ideas but now I have to actually solidify my plans.

I'm extremely nervous going into this. I don't think I'm that good of a filmmaker, and I don't love it anymore. But all I can do is get my shit together and give it [F-WORD]in' shot.

Cheers.